


Headache

by norwegian_galaxies



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Break Up, Character Death, Death, Lukas has...more?, Lukas is unhealthy, M/M, Matthias has anxiety, Mental Breakdown, Panic Attacks, Suicide, this is a slippery slope if I ever saw one, this is mostly just venting though whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 13:43:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19813495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/norwegian_galaxies/pseuds/norwegian_galaxies
Summary: Lukas isn't healthy, and refuses to acknowledge it.





	Headache

That damn mosquito had flown in his room again; a fact Lukas knew to be true due to the tell-tale buzzing by his ear. 

A mosquito had been in his room weeks before, keeping him up all night with the chilling buzz-hum of its being through the air. He'd killed it, and blood spilled out of the creatures body and all over his hand, but now he was too tired to care anymore.

He was honestly too tired to care about anything, so he let this mosquito keep buzzing around his head, even though the noise was beginning to scare him. He hadn't slept in weeks (or so it seemed), and he had bags under his eyes and the irrational fears to prove it. 

He idly chewed the skin on his lip as 12 AM faded into 3:01 AM faded into 6:45 AM, and then before he knew it his alarm was going off. He didn't know why he hadn't turned the dumb thing off, he was already awake and there was no need to use it.

He smacked the alarm's 'off' button and rubbed his eyes, finally getting up and out of bed. 

Lukas ate a boring breakfast of cereal and milk, drinking a lot of water since his throat and mouth were parched and sore. He wondered why, but at the same time he didn't give a shit.

Of course, no one in his house asked him if he was okay. No one except for Emil, but Emil was little and sweet and pure. He cared too much about Lukas, in Lukas' opinion. So he'd told Emil that he was fine so he wouldn't worry, and the boy gave him a sweet smile and a hug before going to the kitchen to eat his breakfast. Lukas' mother gave him a hug, his father raised his cup of coffee to him. 

Lukas nodded his head and walked out of the house, rubbing his bleary, somewhat reddened eyes. He looked down at himself and sighed. His right shoe wasn't all the way on. He shoved his foot further into the shoe, a dull anger burning in his indigo eyes, thus bending the back of the shoe even more. He knelt down and pulled the back of the shoe out from under his foot, straightening it out. 

He turned, feeling eyes on him, noticing his parents watching him out the windows by the door. They were looking at him curiously, as if he was a zoo animal inside an enclosure. He rolled his eyes and walked out of the driveway. He didn't get what was up with them lately. 

He was fine, god dammit. He was fine. 

He kept repeating those words to himself in his head, and then he got hit by a car.

*

He'd survived. Weeks later, he was out of the hospital and back in school after some much needed rest.

Everyone thought he'd walked in front of that car on purpose, that he was suicidal. He was just tired, and that was the truth. 

Emil was scared of him and wouldn't go near him, because everyone told the boy that his big brother was sick, mentally unstable. This angered Lukas. He wasn't sick or unstable. He was just tired.

Which was what he told his boyfriend, Matthias, one rainy Tuesday afternoon while they were walking home (or, rather, Matthias was walking. Lukas was wheeling along in his wheelchair). Thank goodness, Matthias believed him. 

"I know what you're talking about," Matthias sighed, running his hand through his strawberry blonde hair. "Maybe...talk to your doctor about medicine or something to help with it? It helped Berwald with his problem."

And so, when Lukas went to the doctor and explained his sleeping problem, he was prescribed some medicine to help.

That night, he overdosed. That night, he was in the hospital again. 

Matthias came to visit him a few days later with red roses. He set them on the bedside table and left without saying a word to Lukas.

*

Cold and alone in his own apartment years later, Lukas was thinking about all of the mistakes he'd made.

He should have realized that his sleepless nights were a problem days before he was hit by that car. He should have known when to stop taking those pills. He should've told Matthias how much he loved him before the Dane dumped him. Should've, should've, should've. All those things he should've done, but couldn't do now. It was too late.

Bzzzzzzz.

"Oh my GOD, YOU FUCKING MOSQUITO!" Lukas jolted upright and flicked on the light, looking around furiously for the mosquito. He saw it hovering in the air and clapped his hands around it hard, successfully killing it.

But why was the noise still there? he wondered, his heart beating faster.

And then he was sobbing, covering his ears and smashing his face into his pillow. 

He wanted Matthias, he wanted Emil, he wanted his bright future back. 

But they'd all left him. Everyone had.

He grabbed a gun out of the drawer of his nightstand and rested it at the side of his head. He didn't stop to think second thoughts. He thought of how good everything had been before he fucked everything up. He knew it was just a little sleeping problem, despite what the doctors said. They had given him all these diagnoses for what he had, given him these medicines he had to take. He didn't listen. Though now he knew that he should've. 

He shot himself, of course, to relieve himself of this bad headache, and fell off of his bed and onto the floor. He was dead in an instant, more dead than all those other times he'd accidentally almost killed himself.

*

Matthias came back to his hometown a few years later for a funeral. It wasn't for anyone he knew, but his brother Berwald had invited him. 

The person who had died was Berwald's boyfriend's friend's friend, Raivis Galante. He'd died because of a fatal overdose, and, thinking about that, Matthias was reminded of his ex-boyfriend, Lukas Bondevik. 

He sighed and shook his head at that. He hadn't seen Lukas in years, not since they graduated high school, and even before that they'd stopped talking after Matthias dumped Lukas. The Dane hadn't wanted to break up with Lukas (and to this day, Matthias could say he still missed him, loved him), but he didn't want to be in a relationship with Lukas since he obviously wasn't well. However, when he had tried to explain himself, Lukas had already broken down in tears and left.

Matthias wiped his eyes and forced a smile back on his face. He wondered what Lukas had been up to lately. Had he opened that bookstore he'd always wanted to open? Had he moved back to Norway?

Lukas was still on his mind as he walked into the cemetery, towards the open grave with all the people crowded together under a tent. He found his brother and stood next to them, watching as the casket was put into the ground. He sighed sadly. At least that hadn't happened to Lukas when he'd overdosed, though. 

After the burial, they went back to Matthias' brother's house for lunch.

"Hey, Berwald?" Matthias asked, curiously. "Do you remember Lukas Bondevik?"

"Don't know how I couldn't," Berwald replied, before pulling some soda from the fridge. "Why?"

"Well, I just wanted to know what he was up to," the Dane replied.

It was almost as if the room suddenly became more somber. Tino, Berwald's boyfriend, froze in his seat, cup of water clenched in his hands an inch away from his face. Berwald pursed his lips and closed the fridge, his back still turned. 

"What?" Matthias asked, chuckling softly, nervously. "What happened? You're acting like I'm a kid who's dog died, and you just don't want to tell me."

With that, Berwald set the soda down on the counter and walked over to Matthias, pulling him out of his chair. "Come with me. I'll take ya to 'im." His blue-green eyes were sadder than usual, which didn't ease Matthias' worries.

*

They ended up in the cemetery again, and Matthias was gripping Berwald's hand tightly, like a scared child, beginning to hyperventilate. 

"Oh my God," Matthias mumbled, stumbling over the words. "Do NOT tell me he's in this cemetery, Berwald..."

Yet there it was: the feared gravestone itself.

'Rest in Peace, Lukas Bondevik. 17/5/1999 - 8/9/2019.'

It didn't say anything else. No 'beloved brother' or 'beloved boyfriend' or 'father' or anything of the sort, this made it all worse. This meant Lukas had died alone, and nobody had even cared that he'd died.

Matthias broke down, dropping to his knees and crawling over to the cold rock and hugging it. He didn't care if it was disrespectful, and nobody was stopping him. He cried hard, tears staining his cheeks and dripping onto the granite.


End file.
